A Grove of Ashes and Aspens

Now Playing: The Voynich Manuscript by Elvenking

A couple weeks ago, I talked about some of the internal struggles of polyamory and how it can be a struggle to navigate some of the legal and social pressures surrounding that. The part I didn’t talk about was how internal pressures can also make it weird.

Now, each polycule will look different from the next because each polyamorous person is different from the next. I can’t give any concrete advice to specific situations, so this is more going to be some of the weird situations I’ve encountered and have had to or am currently navigating and some of the ways I’m trying to work through them. Cool? Cool.

Just as one more aspect of housekeeping, I have two partners. They are both relatively private online, and in the spirit of respecting their privacy, I will be calling them “Sunshine” (boyfriend of 4 years) and “Fiore” (been together 3 months). Both are aware of each other, we’re having a good time.

Something that can present problems within polyamory is feelings of jealousy and inadequacy, and I say this having faced those feelings first hand. While those things are entirely understandable, it’s also important to consider that they are something to deal with on a personal level as much as possible, rather than put it all on the other people involved. A boundary I have in my relationships is that texting with other partners during date night is fine, with the one stipulation that it is not sexual. This is more for my own sake, because if the sexual texting happens with someone else during a date night, it feels disrespectful to the partner you’re at date night with. (My being ace also ties into that, especially with how wildly my sex drive and attraction can vary, but that’s a rant for another time.)

The other major struggle I have in one of my relationships is being long distance. Fiore and I live on separate entire continents, with an ocean between us, and that can be a very daunting barrier, polyamorous or not. We started off as friends that came together through both being Elvenking fans, before our friendship started getting closer, and we let it grow organically. We didn’t go into this with the intention of getting together, but we slowly fell for each other over months of talking every day, sharing memes, and flirting with each other “as a joke.” (It did start that way, but, well, you see where that landed us.) We also have semi-regular video calls, as a way to be as close to being in the same space as possible while being on different continents.

There’s probably also something else I’m forgetting, but for now, that mostly covers the points I had. I may do an updated post at some point if more comes up.