A Grove of Ashes and Aspens

Now Playing: Heavy is the Crown of Bone by Crypt Sermon

So recently, a friend of mine made a comment that I found interesting and, for better or worse, kind of relatable. The sentiment was that they don’t feel “pagan enough,” and that got me thinking: what does it really mean to be “pagan enough?”

Now, this is a nuanced topic, especially considering the fact that paganism is such a broad term that it can mean almost anything relating to non-Christian beliefs. (It has been used that way by Christians in the past, but we’re not here to talk about that.) So that we’re all on the same page, the way I use the term “pagan” is a catch-all term to group together the pre-Abrahamic religious traditions of Europe, west Asia, and northern Africa, primarily Egypt. This is the focus of what I know best, between personal experience, discussions with other pagans, and some scholarly reading. There are other religions and traditions that could likely be considered pagan or pagan-adjacent from other parts of the world, Hinduism being a major example, but I don’t know enough about any of them to feel comfortable including them in this conversation.

Historically, the religious traditions of Europe varied wildly from place to place, both on the large scale of nations and the small scale of villages. Similarities existed, of course, as places that exist in close proximity to each other will experience similar patterns among flora, fauna, and weather patterns. However, when these traditions began to emerge, there was no internet. There were no computers. Even when neo-paganism started becoming a thing in the mid 20th century after the works of Margaret Murray 30 years prior, the Internet wouldn’t be a thing for a few more decades yet. Centralisation of pagan beliefs was effectively impossible until very recently. (Christianity attempted centralisation, and we all saw how that turned out. From what I understand of Islam and Judaism, there is also minimal centralisation, with the primary source being their respective holy texts, and multiple sects always arguing over what it means, but that’s nothing new for the Abrahamic faiths.)

“I thought this was about imposter syndrome,” you might be asking. And you’re right, it is. I’m getting to that. The rest of this is just also important to consider.

So what does all of this mean for paganism in the age where the Internet can, and almost always does, exist in our pockets, when we have basically all of human knowledge and everything we’ve inferred and learned about the way people used to live at our fingertips? This knowledge can be a massive boon, but it can also be very overwhelming, especially with how easy it is to see what other people are saying about it all. And when other people seem so confident online, it can lead to imposter syndrome and other feelings of inadequacy.

So how does one deal with this? And to that I say, wouldn’t we all like to know? Before you get on my ass about a bad answer, let me explain.

Overcoming imposter syndrome is complicated. I think we can all agree on that. It’s not just a one and done “I’m good enough for this.” It’s a whole process, and just like any other process, it can get fucked up. It can get interrupted. I still have days of questioning whether I’m good enough to talk about specific topics or whether I should even be doing what it is that I do here.

But here’s where I think this can be a good way to look at all of this. Imposter syndrome, yes, is fear and insecurity made manifest. But that’s not a bad thing. Fear when approaching a spiritual path when your only information on said path comes from academic papers, random people on the Internet, and texts that are hundreds, if not thousands of years old, and most likely subject to some level of christianisation in the process of getting it translated into modern English (or whatever language you’re using to read the old texts). It’s not fun.

I have my own ways of getting around it, as I’m sure a lot of people do. Much of how I deal with it is spite. (If I’m just faking being good enough, I’m willing to bet everyone else is too, and I deserve a stake in this scam they’re all running.) That, or I try to separate myself from the situation for a bit. (Distraction isn’t always the healthiest option, but it can help.)

But how does this relate to paganism? The same way it relates to everything. Our brains are weird, and they can convince us of just about anything. They can convince us we’re not “good enough” at a faith where there isn’t a way to be “good enough.” It may not ever go away, and that’s fine. Sometimes, living with it and staying true to your path despite it is the best thing you can do for yourself.